Ralphie May's Standup Master Class

Two hours of no-BS wisdom for aspiring comedians.

“I teach you this sh*t because nobody else will.” Ralphie May gave a great lecture to aspiring comics at The Comedy Store back in 2010. My fave nuggets summarized below:

• Take out unnecessary words.

• Think of your act like a suspension bridge. Your best joke is your closer. Your second best joke is your opener – and ideally, it’s an introductory joke that teaches them about you.

• Smile.

• Express who you are in the first 30 seconds.

• Don’t be afraid of silence, it builds drama.

• Before your punchline, pause. They’ll have an initial laugh to themselves and then another one when you deliver the punchline. Voila, double the laughs.

• Hats are distracting and cast a shadow. Show them your face and they’ll believe you. Also, a beard makes you look like you’re hiding something. That’s why salesmen and Presidents don’t have beards.

• Don’t get drunk/high at the club or before your show.

• Don’t sleep with the staff. This is your workplace.

• Once you learn to write dirty, you can never write clean. Once you learn to write clean, you can always figure out how to write dirty later.

• Don’t steal ideas or premises.

• Every joke can be expanded: Add a new angle, do the opposite, bring in a new p.o.v., etc. If you’re pro something, answer the questions a con person would ask.

• Don’t bring notes onstage, memorize your jokes.

• During the joke’s setup, look around the room to the left and right. During the punch: Stare straight ahead and deliver it to the center of the room.

• You’re the shepherd. Lead them, don’t let them take control.

• Have comeback lines ready.

• Find places where an action or a look can get the laugh instead of a word.

• Take the shot – even if you fail, it’s still a good story. You gotta have balls and not be afraid to fail.

• You learn more from bombing than you do from killing. And you’ll never kill until you bomb.

• If you wait for the audience, they’ll turn on you. You have to bulldog them into believing what you believe. You can get away with anything if you really believe it.

• You need to call them on their BS if you want to be controversial.

• Inferring can clean up your act by working around dirty words. For example, Buddy Hackett would talk about sex all the time but never actually mention it.

• Sometimes you can’t replace a word. Sometimes f*ck is the appropriate punchline.

• Being a curmudgeon is good. Having strong opinions is good.

• There are many different paths to the top of the mountain. Define success for yourself.

• Make your own success. If your area doesn't have a great comedy venue, make one.

• If you’re an MC, make sure you get everyone’s name correct.

Watch the whole thing here:

Heard about this class on this ep of She Does Stand Up Too? podcast where comics Matthew Broussard and Laura Sogar interview New York Comedy Club President of Operations Brian Morton.