Where do I get my standup material?
I answer questions: What happens if they don’t laugh? How often do you write jokes? What are the most important rules you live by?
Excerpts from an interview I did years ago about standup and more:
What do you wish someone had told you about show business before you entered it?
The the reason anyone wants to be in show business is based on psychological scars from childhood and/or an inability to get laid.
Where do you get your material?
I carry a notebook around and when I have an interesting thought, I write it down. I don't like sitting in front of a blank screen. I like to live my life and then catch ideas like a fisherman on Deadliest Catch will catch crabs. (Note: I do not have crabs. I have ideas. I swear!)
What happens if they don’t laugh?
You feel a tiny little puncture wound in your soul. Then you remember: They might be idiots. So you try it again. Then you realize they were not idiots. They were right.
How often do you write jokes?
I'm writing a little bit, all the time. Then I go through all my notes every week or two and refine. I write a lot onstage too. This is because I like ideas that come out in flow and also because I am lazy.
When did you feel like you were a pro comedian?
Words I don't like: professional, artist, genius, brilliant. I don't really know what they mean or where the line is. In life, I frequently don't know where the line is. Also, I don't think I should have ended those sentences with "is." There, I did it again. See, I don't understand lines!
How did you know you wanted to be a comedian or did it just happen?
I wanted to tell the truth. And I realized comedians get away with that more than anyone else. So I decided to figure out how they did that. Then I tried it and I fell into a rabbit hole.
What are the most important rules you live by?
1) Everything in moderation, including moderation.
2) 80% of life is showing up.
What was your favorite book as a kid, and what does that say about you?
I loved Peanuts. Had tons of books with Snoopy and the crew. I love how Woodstock speaks in lines, I thrive on emotional melancholy, and I like when adults are inaudible.
What's the best advice you've ever gotten?
Stop reading the comments.
Given your feelings about the state of our culture, how do you avoid despair?
I don't think anything's really changed. We're just actually coming face to face with the sores and wounds that our culture's been good at hiding for so long. I see it as an opportunity to learn and grow as a society. Also: Weed.
What three things would you take with you to a deserted island?
Tom Petty's Greatest Hits, the Torah, and Bear Grylls.
Do you have any quotes that you live your life by or think of often?
"Youth is wasted on the young."
-George Bernard Shaw
"A family is a dictatorship ruled over by its sickest member."
-Moss Hart
"If your photographs aren't good enough, you're not close enough."
-Robert Capa
How to handle hecklers from the stage?
First: Ignore. Second: Talk to them. They'll usually hang themselves.
“What advice would you give your younger self?”
Be kinder to yourself and others. Also, enjoy your luscious head of hair.
What most important lesson you learned in comedy?
That people want you to be vulnerable and confident at the same time – but not too much of either.
Advice to your younger self just starting in comedy career?
The more it's art, the less it pays.
How long do you spend developing new material?
3 hours, 16 minutes, and 23 seconds per joke. No more, no less.
Greatest cartoon of all time?
Woody Woodpecker. The Captain Haddock ep: "If Woody had gone right to the police, this would never have happened."
So the stereotype of comedians being horribly depressed and neurotic is true?
Yes. But everyone is depressed and neurotic, we're just open about it.
Do you ever get tired of being a comedian?
You get tired doing anything over and over. But I get less tired of being a comedian than I do anything else.
What would you say troubles you the most about the world today?
The way random people on the internet can email you and get you to answer a bunch of personal questions. Scary!
Woody Woodpecker was the best!