The comedian who zinged Trump the best

The comedian who’s nailed Trump the best is one who rarely talks politics.

Most Trump jokes are a snooze, the same ‘ol late night monochrome monologue zingers where you can see the punchline coming from a mile away. But the comedian who’s nailed Trump the best (IMO) is one who rarely talks politics: John Mulaney. His “Donald Trump is what a hobo imagines a rich man to be” bit came before Trump even ran for President.

Donald Trump is not just a rich man, like Donald Trump is almost like what a hobo imagines a rich man to be, y'know? It's like years ago Trump was walking through an alley, and he heard some guy just like, "Ho-ho, boy, oh, boy. As soon as my number comes in, I'm gonna put up tall buildings with my name on 'em. I'll have fine golden hair, and a TV show where I fire people with my children." And Trump was like "That is how I will live my life. Thank you, hobo, for that life plan." I bet you when Donald Trump makes a decision, he thinks to himself, "What would a cartoon rich person do? Put up billboards of my face everywhere? That's a good idea."

And Trump’s chaos presidency was summarized perfectly in Mulaney’s “horse loose in a hospital” bit:

This guy being the president, it’s like there’s a horse loose in a hospital. It’s like there’s a horse loose in a hospital. I think eventually everything’s going to be okay, but I have no idea what’s going to happen next. And neither do any of you, and neither do your parents, because there’s a horse loose in the hospital. It’s never happened before, no one knows what the horse is going to do next, least of all the horse. He’s never been in a hospital before, he’s as confused as you are. There’s no experts. They try to find experts on the news. They’re like, “We’re joined now by a man that once saw a bird in the airport.” Get out of here with that sh*t! We’ve all seen a bird in the airport. This is a horse loose in a hospital. When a horse is loose in a hospital, you got to stay updated. So all day long you walk around, “What’d the horse do?” The updates, they’re not always bad. Sometimes they’re just odd. It’ll be like, “The horse used the elevator?” I didn’t know he knew how to do that. The creepiest days are when you don’t hear from the horse at all. You’re down in the operating room like, “Hey, has anyone…Has anyone heard–” [imitates clopping hooves] Those are those quiet days when people are like, “It looks like the horse has finally calmed down.” And then ten seconds later the horse is like, “I’m gonna run towards the baby incubators and smash ’em with my hooves. I’ve got nice hooves and a long tail, I’m a horse!” That’s what I thought you’d say, you dumb fucking horse.

And then you go to brunch with people and they’re like, “There shouldn’t be a horse in the hospital.” And it’s like, “We’re well past that.” Then other people are like, “If there’s gonna be a horse in the hospital, I’m going to say the N-word on TV.” And those don’t match up at all. And then, for a second, it seemed like maybe we could survive the horse, and then, 5,000 miles away, a hippo was like, “I have a nuclear bomb and I’m going to blow up the hospital!” And before we could say anything, the horse was like, “If you even f*cking look at the hospital, I will stomp you to death with my hooves. I dare you to do it. I want you to do it. I want you to do it so I can stomp you with my hooves, I’m so fucking crazy.” “You think you’re f*cking crazy, I’m a f*cking hippopotamus. I live in a fucking lake of mud. I’m f*cking crazy.” And all of us are like, “Okay.” Like poor Andy Cohen at those goddamn reunions. “Okay.” And then, for a second, we were like, “Maybe the horse-catcher will catch the horse.” And then the horse is like, “I have fired the horse-catcher.” He can do that? That shouldn’t be allowed no matter who the horse is. I don’t remember that in Hamilton.

To this day, it’s the best analogy I’ve heard about the Trump years. It gets at something deeply true and evokes the simmering panic that accompanied the news cycle during that period.

And on SNL, Mulaney’s thoughts about his 94-year-old grandmother voting nicely explained how the olds keep screwing the youngs. Easy to make a mess when you ain't gonna be around to have to clean it up.

I don’t think, maybe, she should vote. You know, you don’t get to vote when you’re 94 years old. You don’t get to order for the table when you’re about to leave the restaurant. I’m sorry, that joke is ageist, that is wrong. It is wrong to say one age group is better than another. That would be like calling yourselves the Greatest Generation! “Oh, oh, we fought the Nazis!” Well, we’re trying to fight the new Nazis, if you’d get out of the way and stop voting for people you saw in between coin collector commercials!

It’s funny ‘cuz it’s– well, y’know.

Mulaney’s fresh takes show how you can go after a topic that everyone else is tackling and still bring a fresh perspective.

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Misguided Meditation with Matt Ruby is coming soon to LA & NYC. Tickets/info here.