Name what's happening in the room

If you can say what everyone’s thinking, you’ll immediately get the room on your side.

Sour room? Server spilled a drink? Has every comic before you been super filthy? Go ahead and name that. If you can say what everyone’s thinking, you’ll immediately get the room on your side.

It can be a great way to open sets too. Nail the room dynamic and immediate trust is achieved. The crowd wants a comedian who can cut through BS, get to the heart of things, and isn’t afraid to say what we’re all thinking.

The Art of Calling Out Room Dynamics is a piece talking about doing this in a business setting, but much of it applies to standup too. Excerpts below…

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In most of these situations, everyone in the room can sense that things have gone off the rails. We can feel the rising tension. We can see the crossed arms and furrowed brows. We can hear the edge creeping into people’s voices.

But hardly anyone ever says it out loud.

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So why is this so effective? There are a few key psychological principles at play:

1. Pattern Interruption: Our brains love to get stuck in grooves. By explicitly naming what’s happening, you disrupt the negative pattern that’s developed.

2. Shared Reality: Acknowledging the collective experience creates a sense of “we’re all in this together” rather than adversarial positions.

3. Emotional Regulation: Putting words to the tension provides a bit of distance, helping to de-escalate heightened emotions.

4. Increased Self-Awareness: It prompts everyone to take a mental step back and observe their own behavior more objectively.

5. Psychological Safety: By demonstrating it’s okay to address interpersonal dynamics directly, you create a safer space for honest dialogue.

6. Refocusing on Shared Goals: It reminds everyone that you’re theoretically all there to accomplish something together, not just to win individual battles.

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Alright, so you’re sold on the concept. But how do you actually put it into practice? Here are some tactical tips I’ve learned (often the hard way):

1. Keep it Short and Sweet: You don’t need to launch into a lengthy analysis. A brief, neutral observation is often most effective.

2. Use a Calm Tone: Your delivery matters as much as your words. Keep your voice steady and non-confrontational.

3. Mind Your Body Language: Uncross your arms, make open eye contact, lean in slightly. Physically embody the openness you’re trying to create.

4. Ask, Don’t Tell: Instead of declarative statements, try phrasing things as questions. “Are we still aligned on our goals here?” invites reflection better than “We’ve lost sight of our goals.”

5. Focus on Collective Experience: Use “we” language to reinforce the idea that you’re all in this together. “It seems like we’re having trouble finding common ground” vs. “You all aren’t listening to each other.”

6. Acknowledge Uncertainty: It’s okay to admit you might be misreading things. “I might be off base here, but it feels like…”

7. Offer a Way Forward: Don’t just point out the problem – suggest a potential solution or next step. “Should we take a 5-minute breather and then regroup?”

8. Know When to Escalate: Sometimes you need to involve a higher-up or neutral third party. If things are really off the rails, don’t be afraid to loop in additional help.

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In the moment, speaking up to name a difficult dynamic feels scary. There’s always the fear that you’ll make things worse or look foolish.

But here’s the thing: 9 times out of 10, everyone else in that room is feeling the same discomfort you are. By finding the courage to name it, you’re not being a troublemaker — you’re being a leader.