I did a standup tour in Europe. This is what it was like.
Castles, canals, and comedy.
Wrote about my recent Eurotour over at . Here’s the gist (below).
Also, coming up I’ll be in Denver, Boulder, Arlington (VA), and Victoria (BC). Tickets and tour dates.
Want me to come do a show near any of those places (or somewhere else)? Shoot me an email at mattruby@hey.com.
Taylor Swift and I are both touring Europe this week. Slightly different sized venues. And she’s probably not taking the train between cities. And I bet none of the venue owners asked her to help ‘em move a keg right before going onstage. But otherwise, it’s probably very similar.
(Cities I’m hitting: Paris, Brussels, Luxembourg, Leuven, Rotterdam, Ghent, Utrecht, and Amsterdam.)
By the way, why do trains always pretend to have working wi-fi? Just be real with me, trains. We all know your wi-fi is on again/off again more than J. Lo and Ben Affleck. No need for the bait and railroad switch.
I’ve been enjoying riding the rails though. It’s giving me 90’s Eurail pass Before Sunrise flashbacks.
I actually studied abroad in Belgium and this is the first time I’ve returned since. Within an hour of arriving in Brussels, a torrential downpour started. That’s when I remembered: Oh yeah, this is why I’ve never been back. The place is so rainy it makes Seattle seem downright tropical.
Here’s a joke I did in Belgium last night:
I’m a Jew which apparently now means I’m a colonizer. That’s why I decided to come visit Belgium...I wanted to learn from the best. They loved it.
Before Belgium, I was in France. Speaking of Jew stuff, this was the first time I clocked how much French and Jewish people have in common. We’re both obsessed with breakfast bread (croissants/bagels). We both make weird noises (“pfffft”/“oy”). We both think we’re smarter than everyone else (snobs/chosen). We both love to complain. And we’ve both had plenty of issues with the Germans (WWII/WWII). C’est la vie/Oy vey.
Here’s a joke I did in France:
Polyamory is when you’re in a relationship but you still sleep with a bunch of other people. Or as the French call it: Marriage.They did not love it.
As for the shows, they’ve been really fun. English-speaking standup shows have been taking off in Europe (thanks largely to podcasts/YouTube/Netflix) and the crowds at these shows are an interesting mix of young, international ex-pats. Lotta students in the mix too.
Honestly, they’re probably the smartest crowds I’ve ever performed for. In America, the typical audience member is a baseball cap bro eating chicken fingers. Here, I’m doing crowdwork with philosophy grad students, nanotechnology engineers, and World Bank employees who all speak multiple languages. Last night in Leuven, I made references to Hegel and the Congo and the crowd totally got it. Uh, weird.
That said, some of the gigs do have the vibe of an English as a Second Language class disguised as a comedy show. Like the regular instructor didn’t show up and I’m the weird substitute teacher who keeps bringing up abortion, incels, and emotional support dogs for some reason.
(Note: They don’t have incels over here. I think that’s because any dude who speaks French could just go to America, start talking, and get laid based on the accent alone.)
It’s neat to see the spread of standup because most of the world doesn’t have comedians telling jokes; most of the world just has prank shows. And man, I hate pranks.
See, wherever I’ve been, there’s always some TV show where they cruelly trick people for laughs: “We convinced this elderly Brazilian woman there’s a ghost in her elevator. Let’s all guffaw at her near-heart attack because she thinks she sees dead people. Hilarious!” Blech. I’ll take jokes, punchlines, and a point of view over “There’s a gorilla riding the escalator at this shopping mall – let’s see what happens!”
Something else I’ve learned from traveling is everyone thinks their culture is special even when it’s totally not. For example: showing up late. Black people in America have CPT. Indian people have Indian Standard Time. Brazilian people have Brazilian time. Jamaican people have island time. They all think they’re unique for showing up an hour late. But actually, it’s just that white people always show up early for everything. That’s why I now always show up an hour late. It’s my way of proving I’m an ally.
In Luxembourg, I asked the crowd if there are any special events unique to the country. “Duck race!” they shouted back. Huh? Turns out the whole country stops once a year to race inflatable ducks (and get drunk).
I was having a great set so that kinda hurt since it made me realize what a low bar there is for entertainment in Luxembourg. I spend years honing these jokes when apparently all I really need is a couple rubber duckies, a fan, and a bathtub.
That reminds me of a TV warmup comic who once told me, “There’s nothing more depressing than spending years getting good at comedy only to realize you’ll never generate as much excitement as a t-shirt gun.”
Well, at least it’s not a gorilla on an escalator.
Part two ahead…
The big Netflix is a Joke fest went down in LA recently. I missed it because I was on tour in Europe (and also because I was not invited). Sounds like it was a real blast though. Check out this Ted Sarandos party shot:
I’m holding out for an invite to the David Zaslav party. I heard he’s gonna rent out a Dave and Buster’s in midtown and give everyone 1/2 off beer and wine until 9:30pm. Rad.
The rest of my Euro shows were solid though:
🎪 Had a hot crowd at Club Haug (the Comedy Mothership of Rotterdam). Told ‘em how I was creeped out by a top tourist attraction Brussels:
🎪 Also, what I learned about “the ick” in Holland:
🎪 Met some Amsterdam comics who invited me up to do a show there on my off night. That’s when I learned that this is a universal theme: “Weird, last week’s show was packed.”
🎪 Did an abortion bit and just replaced Republicans with Catholics – and the Euros totally got it.
🎪 Got some big laughs off a group of Turkish engineers/incels in Leuven and a voluntarily celibate woman in Ghent.
🎪 Handed out business cards after shows with a QR code to this newsletter since I’m trying to get better at promo.
🎪 Saw all kinds of interesting stuff:
🎪 Remembered this story: Did a bar show a couple years ago. Comedian before me got furious everyone was on their phones. Left the stage before his allotted time was up. I went onstage next and talked to 'em. Turns out the place only had QR code menus. They weren’t disrespecting the show, they were just ordering drinks the only way they could. I feel like this is some kinda Zen proverb but for comedy.
🎪 Talked about finding out I’m a colonizer:
🎪 Did my best to tourist it up during the days.
🎪 A couple of open mic’ers were sitting in the back at my Luxembourg show so I felt like I was an ambassador for New York City standup. It’s a specific flavor of jokes and attitude. Made me realize how much performing at NYC venues is the engine of my act. Can’t wait to get back in the mix there.
🎪 And on the last night, I was invited to close out a new material show in Amsterdam at a spot called Mezrab. It was a packed room but it was rather tense. I watched one comic after another go up with super dark, aggro material that the audience was not onboard with. The second-to-last guy ran the light, yelled at the crowd, and seemed off his rocker. Thankfully, years of doing NYC open mics (filled with insane folks who seek amplification) prepared me for this moment. I gently riffed on the preceding comics, threw in some local references (e.g. narrow stairs, old people on bikes, etc.), cracked some jokes about my tour, did a couple bits I knew worked (had to do something to bail out the boat), and then tried a bunch of new jokes (a couple killed so maybe they’ll stay in the act). It was a real knife fight and I had to use every tool in my belt…but also, it felt like the perfect culmination to the trip. Sometimes all the work is invisible, it just comes out in a subconcious way.
🎪 Thanks to everyone who attended the shows. Great to see some newsletter readers, podcast listeners, and Vooza fans along the way.
Comedy plugs
🃏 Get jokes, info, and clips of my standup via social media: Instagram, TikTok, Threads, and YouTube.
🃏 Road dates coming up: Denver, Boulder, Arlington (VA), and Victoria (BC). Ticket info.
🃏 NYC weeklies:
Tuesdays in NYC: HOT SOUP at Comedy Cellar (Tickets)
Wednesdays in NYC: GOOD EGGS at NY Comedy Club (Tickets) | promo code SCRAMBLED
🃏 You can listen to my podcast: Kind of a Lot with Matt Ruby.
I love that you make fun of baseball hats and choose those shmatas to adorn your dome.
tour looked like it was awesome. Congrats!