Blame yourself

"If you are also devoid of agency and constantly having things happen to you, it will not be good."

May 06, 2026

∙ Paid

Cartoons Hate Her on Why Most Personal Essays Suck: “The real drama of a personal essay is what’s going on in your mind, not what’s happening to you.”

This felt like it expressed some smart views that relate to doing standup about personal stuff too:

If you are a good personal essay writer, it won’t matter what you’re writing about. If your reason for not being able to write a personal essay is that “nothing interesting happens to you” then you’re either not looking closely enough, or maybe that just isn’t your genre…
The inner workings of your mind (which, as Patrick Star of SpongeBob fame might say, are an enigma) are going to be the most interesting and compelling parts of your personal essay, full stop. Yes, even if—perhaps, especially if—they make you seem like a bad person, or if they are “cringe.” If the goal of your personal essay is to make you look good, it will not be a good personal essay…People really don’t like this degree of half-self-awareness, especially if you’re also being defensive or trying to push a particular agenda…
All this to say: you don’t have to present yourself as the biggest asshole in the world, but rather, if your personal essay presents you as blameless, especially if you are also devoid of agency and constantly having things happen to you, it will not be good. If your personal essay relies on shock value or plot points instead of your own inner world, it will not be good. If you go halfway with admitting vulnerability and flaws but then get defensive about it and try to prove that actually, all your neurotic beliefs are correct, it will not be good.

Actually, that’s pretty good advice for therapy too.

Sure, point fingers at other people. But point ‘em at yourself too. Actually, point ‘em at all of us.

Maybe like this?