20 tips for new comics from an open mic producer

"The following tips are based on the observations of roughly 2,000 G&B gigs."

Kyle Wallace of G&B Comedy (“London’s friendliest and most supportive comedy nights”) offers up G&B's tips for new acts.

Though this one is literally true, it also feels like some deep philosophical advice:

The sweet spot on stage is invariably the one that is most uncomfortable on the eyes. The reason it is uncomfortable is because your face is well lit.

Here’s the full list:

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20 Tips for New Acts

1. "Gimme a cheer/raise your hand/who here has depression?" Back in 2022 I MC'd a show where this line in its various forms was used by five different acts on the same night. The punchline to this was, in one form or other: "Of course you have, we're in a dark basement/arch on a *day of week* watching open mic comedy". Now before someone takes offence on behalf of anyone's best friend's depressed neighbour, no one is saying you shouldn't speak about mental health on stage. But show some respect to both the condition and the art of comedy and don't go for the lowest handing fruit. Every time someone does this on stage, I see the room change; the short term laugh creates an arching decay to the atmosphere and mood. It's my job to come on and pick it up, but don't use this as a cheap gag; you're at a comedy night, not a therapy session (another overused line by dozens of acts!). If you have something valid to say, make it funny or make it powerful. Just don't make it hack or lazy.

2. Learn the difference between joke premise and joke. I am seeing a lot of new acts getting up on stage with sets full of some great joke premises, but little actual jokes. Pub funny ain't stage funny and just calling a politician a twat, however spot on, isn't insightful observational comedy. And it doesn’t matter if something’s true or really happened to you. When on stage at a comedy night, the important part is that it’s funny. Save the cold facts and heartfelt truths for your biography.

3. New Material. If you're a regular at a club and you're going to be doing a set that is pretty much entirely new material, tell the MC not the audience. Telling the MC will help them decide where you go on the line-up, telling the room just puts the audience on edge. If you have under 30 gigs, however, all your material is essentially new material at this point, so don’t worry. So please, don’t say “new material” during your set. It doesn’t make you look like a seasoned pro testing their Netflix Special material. It just sounds like you’re being apologetic for having material you’re not sure about.

4. Cancelling spots. One of the things we talk about on our Everything But The Gags workshop is that right now you can stand out as a comedian just by being reliable. It’s a sad statement to make, but it’s part of the state of play right now. A good, experienced promoter tries to build a balanced night of different comedic styles, personalities and genders. This becomes more and more difficult if so many spots are being filled last minute due to acts messaging a couple of hours before a show or just not showing at all. If you message a promoter to cancel on the day, it’s your job to make sure they get the message. Promoters have stuff to do and lives of their own and do not have time to check emails, etc every 10 minutes. Likewise, if you cancel a spot with the likes of “Something’s come up” or a perfunctory “Sorry, I can’t make tonight” you can expect to be quietly moved to the bottom of any list for future spots. And you certainly won’t be on any progression list for longer spots if you make yourself an unreliable prospect. We once actually had someone wanting to do MC spots for us after doing no shows to two gigs in the space of one week.

5. Don’t burst the bubble. A decent MC at an open mic night is creating an illusion, one which you, as an act, should do your best to help maintain. No one in the history of going out has ever said to their mates, "What do we fancy doing tonight, guys, anyone fancy going to watch a room full of amateurs practice something?" Yet that's exactly what an open mic comedy night is. The job of a good promoter and MC, however, is to create the illusion that this is a professional comedy night of hand picked, quality acts and not, as it can often be, nervous newbie acts getting on stage for the very first time. G&B prides itself on going the extra mile to build this illusion for the audience to allow them to relax and go with the vibe. So don't do the hack, in-joke stuff about open mic nights, slagging off the venue, we're in a dark basement when it's sunny outside, bringers etc, all of which just bursts the bubble and reminds the crowd you’re an inexperienced act and, by default, implies the same of the next act and the next act. If you buy into the illusion, so will the audience.

6. “I think I’ll just leave it there.” Closing your set with this line is the comedy equivalent of the selfish lover. You’re basically saying you’ve got out of it what you wanted; the room can finish itself off it it wants, but you’re done for the night. There is a saying in comedy: close with your strongest gag and start with your second strongest. Now this isn’t a saying like one size fits all or Tory Levelling Up, this is actually how a good set ticks. Ignore it at your peril.

7. Start with a bang, not a whimper. Following on from above, you need to start strong. Get to a punchline quickly so the crowd can relax and believe you’re worth their time. If it takes you a minute and a half before your first punchline, that punchline had better be a serious applause break or the room just won’t invest in you. The bigger your first laugh, the more the room will trust you and be willing to go with you. We’ve all watched comics where we’re sitting there thinking, when are they going to get to a joke? Getting up on stage doesn’t entitle you to the room’s attention; you have to earn that and you do this with your first gag. Oh, and if you start with, “I know what you’re thinking...” you wouldn’t if you knew what I, and everyone else in the room, was actually thinking.

8. Own your applause: Find out where you are on the line-up, if possible, and be ready to get to the stage when called. Do not wait until the MC calls your name before you start to make your way from the back of the room. By the time you get to the mic your applause will have died and you're on a cold stage. Try to get to the mic while the applause is buzzing and own it.

9. Don’t be late: When going to a club for the first time, leave home a bit early. You don't want your first impression to a promoter to be of you turning up late.

10. If it's a bringer, bring someone: Trust me, you're new to the game and the MC/promoter ain't, so will have heard every possible "unique" excuse you can possible think of. Every gig we hear “My bringer’s let me down at the last minute”. Here’s the thing, you’re responsible for this, not them or the promoter. G&B has gone out of its way to help you avoid this situation, so meet us half way and use the BYOB rather than blame someone else. Also, if you are required to stay for the whole show, stay for the whole show. Promoters have heard every combination of sudden emergencies that magically appear just after you’ve done your spot, meaning you have to leave in the interval. In the 10+ years of doing G&B, only twice has someone come up and said they have to leave in the interval before doing their spot in the second half. Only twice. But several times a week acts tell us they have an emergency that means they need to leave in the interval after they’ve done their spot.

11. Stick to your time: If your set has run over slightly due to constant applause breaks, fine, but if that isn't the cause you're just being inconsiderate. It is also not the MC's job to keep time for you. When you get flashed for your one minute to go, or whatever time the night uses, don’t start into a new routine, just wrap up the one you are currently doing.

12. Be a good audience member: If you want to see a room full of smiling, laughing faces, maybe crack a smile yourself at other acts. How many times have you seen acts complain after their set that it’s a tough room to only then go sit in said tough room and not so much as crack a smile when the next act’s on. If the first thing you do when you get to a gig is find a seat as far away from the stage as possible, know this: the promoter thinks you’re a bit of a dick. And if at any time you’ve heard yourself say, “I’m not a big laugher”, then ask why anyone should show you something you are unwilling to show them. Simple rule of thumb here: be the audience member you want to see when you're up at the mic.

13. Don’t Pace: When on the stage, don't pace back and forth like a captive animal. You may have seen them do this at Live at the Apollo, but you're not there yet. With new acts it just looks like what it is, nervous energy displacing. So don't do it.

14. Find Your Light: The sweet spot on stage is invariably the one that is most uncomfortable on the eyes. The reason it is uncomfortable is because your face is well lit. If you move so you can better see the room without light in your eyes, the room can't see you. You want them to see you. That’s what they’re there for. The other thing not to do is stand with your hand shading your eyes to look at the room. Unless you are doing essential crowd word that requires you seeing specific characteristics of an audience, don’t shade your face.

15. Mic Technique: If you speak quietly, move the mic closer to your face. Likewise if you're loud, further away. And remember the golden rule: Never, ever shout into the mic! If you want to make a point by shouting, move the mic away from your mouth and scream as loud as you like. And remember, the mic is your most important tool on stage. Without it you’re just someone shouting at a room. So show it some respect. Mic’s are expensive, delicate instruments. So don’t go tapping the top of it, never hit or tap it against something and never, never, never mic drop a mic! It damages the mic, can often completely ruin it, which means you’ll be both paying for a new one and pissing off the other acts who may well now have no mic thanks to you.

16. Embrace The Admin: The most common thing I hear from new acts is, “I’m rubbish at/hate the admin”. Stop for a moment and ask yourself what that sentence actually says. It’s one of two things. It’s either I’m not sure I'm any good so what’s the point in making any effort or I’m so special the industry should be making the effort to find me. Well, news flash here, Live at The Apollo ain’t looking for you and never will if you can’t get your act together. The acts who succeed in show business (yes, business is even in the name!) are the ones who get their game on and work the business side of it. Three times a week G&B posts lists of its Available Dates, themed nights etc. Use this to find the nights and gigs you want. Leaving your booking to the week before or on the day cancellations means you never end up on bills that are designed for your style of comedy. All you’ll ever be is the late arrival. Admin is potentially the most important part of the business side of show business.

17. Properly watch other comedians: When you start out, the best thing you can do is watch as much comedy as possible. Watch, listen and learn. You can learn from others’ mistakes as much as their triumphs and applause breaks, so don’t try to sit at the back and scribble in your notebook. Be present at every gig. You can learn just as much from watching a gig as you can from performing at one. And don’t forget to go watch professional comedy. This is what you want to become, so go study the shoulders upon whom you one day want to stand.

18. Work A Set: When you start out, concentrate on the quality of your set(s) not the quantity. Working a set requires time. Learn its body language, every beat and nuance. If a set isn’t getting applause breaks and big laughs on every outing, it’s not ready to put to bed and still needs work and editing. Don’t be too eager to jump to the next five. A good promoter will want to see you progress to longer spots, but when you’re ready. So telling them you have a solid 20 when they’ve never seen you smash a proper, tight five doesn’t do you any favours.

19. Learn The Difference Between Practice & Rehearsal: Practicing your lines you can do while walking the dog, driving to or pacing up and down outside the venue etc. This is the equivalent of learning your times tables at school. That’s all. You give it no stage performance. It’s also why when you get on stage you go blank: you no longer have a steering wheel in your hands. Once you have the script memorised, set up your iPad, phone or video camera at home, grab a hair brush as a mic and perform for the camera lens as if it were the audience. This will allow you to rehearse your set, give it performance and body language. It will also create muscle memory which will massively help you remember your set, allowing you to not need War and Peace scribbled on the back of your hand.

20. SFFS: And finally, remember: Smile For Fucks Sake. Unless it is part of your on stage character, when you get to the mic, smile, give the crowd some warmth to connect with. I know that sounds obvious, but we see way too many people come on so desperate to remember their lines that they forget to smile or look as if they are enjoying themselves.